Dr. John “Doug” Burford

Personally Speaking

Life experience shapes every counselor’s vantage point. It adds dimension to the knowledge and tools acquired through academic training. In my case, those life experiences include:

• Growing up in a military family
• Losing my father at age five and gaining a stepfather
• Navigating a two-career household while raising three children and adapting to special needs
• Caring for aging parents, including the challenges of dementia
• Facing the joys and difficulties of over 30 years of marriage—and emerging stronger
• Welcoming in-laws and grandchildren into our family

Like you, my journey has included seasons of stress. And like you, I’ve learned that stress doesn’t have to fracture a marriage. It doesn’t have to turn partners into adversaries. There are practical ways to shield each other—and your marriage—from harm.

My wife and I have weathered plenty of transitions together. We’ve pursued education, changed cities, raised children, adjusted to a disability diagnosis, shifted careers, pinched pennies, supported aging parents, and reimagined an empty nest. Along the way, we’ve discovered tools that helped us—not just to survive, but to thrive. I’d like to offer those tools to you.

She and I are polar opposites on any temperament scale or personality test. That might seem like a recipe for incompatibility. But I’ve come to see it as complementarity. Our differences have helped us grow. I’m not a big believer in “incompatibility.” I believe in understanding, adapting, and appreciating one another.

One of the great cultural challenges facing couples today is isolation. In 2018, Britain even created a cabinet-level position: The Minister of Loneliness. Technology allows us to do nearly everything alone, including—unfortunately—marriage. We weren’t made for isolation. We were made for connection. Marriage is meant to be companionship at its best.

Another cultural influence? The sexualization of our world. Sex is everywhere—yet seldom portrayed in ways that are healthy, respectful, or enduring. Within marriage, it’s often dismissed or devalued. But this sacred aspect of partnership is worth protecting and rediscovering.

A strong marriage requires valuing, not invalidating, the ways we’re different. As Dr. John Gray once said, “Opposites attract… and then attack.” Many couples spend years trying to change each other instead of learning how to adapt and find strength in their differences. I’d love to help you stop the tug-of-war and start building something meaningful together.

Clinical Experience

My career began in 1984 as a social worker in an inner-city environment. That work revealed the limits of social services for bringing about deep personal transformation—which led me to seminary. I wanted to address the spiritual roots of human struggle.

I’ve served as a pastor in both Presbyterian and Christian & Missionary Alliance (C&MA) churches, gaining experience across diverse American communities. That pastoral work sparked my interest in clinical therapy as a complement to spiritual formation. I pursued formal training and earned my clinical credentials to become a counselor.

In my journey to better serve couples, I kept encountering the work of Dr. John Gottman. I’ve since completed all three levels of Gottman Method training and am on track for certification. I’ve also received specialized training in treating affairs and trauma, and in couples impacted by addiction. My wife and I co-lead Gottman’s “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” workshops and the “Bringing Baby Home” program.

To further deepen my work, I completed training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment Theory, and trauma recovery using EMDR. These models are essential when trauma—past or present—disrupts connection and trust.

In addition to therapy, I serve as a spiritual director and faculty member with The Leadership Institute of Orange, CA, training others to walk with people on their spiritual journey. For clients who wish to integrate faith into their therapeutic work, I offer that as part of our process.